Lately, life has been feeling chaotic. One minute you feel like the happiest person alive and the next it feels like you don’t even know who you are. You see yourself spending more and more time by yourself, going solo for things, and not wanting anyone to bother or disturb you. I can sit here and type to you that life has been all roses and flowers. But, it hasn’t. I will be lying to you and if the world lies to you, you cannot lie to yourself. I came into the new year with so much positivity, but I guess its life and it has a way of showing itself. In the most unexpected time as well.
Mental health journey
I have always prioritised my mental health first. However, lately, my mental health seems to be having its own moments. I suddenly started feeling the weight of it all again. Having mental breakdowns and emotional moments. It’s like your body is constantly living in a flight or fight mode. Due to these reasons, I have decided to start rewarding myself with wellness retreats, meditating, moving my body regularly and eat healthy.
I have spent most of my time this year alone and staying to myself. I feel like I am misunderstood and the more I try getting close to people the more I subconsciously trigger something in them that I am totally not aware off. this, has made me come to the hard decision that you know what, I might as well spend time alone and be by myself rather than ruin relationships with people I genuinely like. I mean, it is easier to love people from far than be overly close with them. I have learnt how to be a lone without being lonely. So, it does not bother me really.
Been indecisive is another thing I have been struggling with now. I can tell you it is a horrible place to be. Indecision keeps you stuck, and sometimes it will keep you stuck forever. I have been wanting change in my life, career, moving house, and travelling. However, the fear of making the wrong decision has been holding me back. I see myself as someone who goes for what she wants regardless of the consequences. But I am taking the necessary steps to ensure I do not get stuck in this mindset.
With this, I will be taking a break from life and just take time to recharge. This, will be elaborated in more details in my blog post next week.
If you are struggling with where you are in life now, or maybe things aren’t going as you had expected, I promise you, you are not alone. Remember, no one has it together and do not get carried away with people controlled online content.